In The Pursuit Of Happiness

Ok so about a good week and change ago...
I started down this path toward internal happiness.

My reason behind this: I was surrounded by people who cared about me... but was still very much.. .unhappy.

How can you be unhappy in a room full of love though?

Well to even know what love is... you must first begin with happiness.

From before I was fine alone.
I was doing actually a hell of alot better than I am now.

so now I'm rebuilding.

Ask yourself:
When was the last time you went on a public outing in a very public and active setting by yourself and had a great time?

Me: Like beginning of July I went to the museum and had a good time.

I did something that I should have noticed and worked on ever since then.

For the first time in a while I was out by myself alone.. enjoying time with myself. Not thinking of... "O I wish someone was with me" but thinking "I gotta do this more often"

And it's raising a question:

How much time do we actually take to entertain self before we get bored and want company? why do we really need company or would need company if we were truly happy with self?

Don't get me wrong it's cool to be with good company... but why is is a need?

I forgot how it felt to entertain myself... by myself.
Thats going to be something that I fix by the end of this summer. It's not going to take much to do it.. seeing as how I used to do it much... but I feel out of the flow of really going to be... alone... in a setting.. public.. and just enjoying the moment.


Question: If happiness came in a bottle.... would you buy it?


Most people answers are yes without them even thinking about it.
Let me explain....
see... happiness come in two forms.... its given by someone or something.... or generated naturally.. something like a chemical.....
Most of us look to things and/or people to give us happiness

Why can't we just generate it from ourselves...
Not fake happiness either.. I'm talking about just.. that I wake up today.. not knowing what will come but I'm still happy to wake another day.. type happiness.

We tend to purchase happiness already but normally at the cost of our own identity.
What ever makes us happy.. becomes us.

Now I mean its not a bad thing because lilies make me happy.. therefore I'm a lily loving freak... its apart of me...therefore at the cost of those flowers making me happy...I will be known as or identified as a lily loving person.

But what if what makes you happy.. really doesn't add any value to you?
Then what.. do you still purchase this form of happiness at the cost of being identified with it...or do you shun it away and find an alternative.

People right now... pick between the two .. never really knowing which path is better.. and sometimes taking the wrong path will indeed cause you to lose that very same happiness you were trying to grasp.

Think about it.. if you were half happy when you started out... then acquired this sudden happiness that made you complete... what happens when you lose it /if you lose it?

You go right back to halved existence.


Am I making sense now?

No?

Ok...
If something makes you happy and you take it away from someone... wasn't that momentary happiness? Like you had it... loved it... and it faded away....doesn't that mean it was never TRUE happiness to start with? There would be no reason for a real smile on your face to fade if you were really happy and pleased with life in the first place... you could function well after that factor was removed and carry on as if nothing happened.

You had most of everything before you found that other part so why worry....

Hmmmm....
This will indeed have a part 2 because I'm now very much in love with exploring this thought deeper and deeper as I'm on this quest to find out what inside me makes me happy and how to tap into that.


I will admit.. I'm not fully happy and haven't been in some months.... but that was only because I allowed myself... my identity to pay the price for it kinda knowing it wasn't right for me to do it.

And for that I'm sorry to self.


I'm going a different route this time.