I Had A Moment.[She Hurt Me.]

Normally I'm never really emotional about shit.

Outwardly that is because I feel that displays of emotion about anyone and anything then to leave you in the dark looking stupid with tears on your cheeks.

Or at least thats what I've been taught.

There are certain things that trigger emotional reactions from me in its purest form. Certain songs ... normally speaking on a past love that you never admitted to (because I'm known notoriously for not showing love) they get to me.

I miss her.



She was my best friend
mother/sister/everything and I didn't need to look up to anyone else. But... she left me. She told me she would be back. Told me she wasn't going no where... and there I was fighting for her life in the middle of the street atop of my lungs fighting with my father who wanted to give up.... and she..within hours after I had changed everyones mind about her.... she gave up on me.

She died.

I never could quite understand it.
Like. You told me you wouldn't leave me. You were and still was the ONLY woman I fully trusted on this earth... and you lied to me. You died while I was fighting for you to live. And you never said goodbye to me. I didn't hear your last words because maybe when you were whispering them into the air I was a cab ride away telling your son that you will make it.


There cycle with females in my life tend to be the same.
They cool... they go through some shit...I'm there for them... Something happens... and right will I'm fighting for them.. angry.. pissed... telling nigga the opposite of what they may beleive of that chick.. because I beleive in them.....
the ookie doke gets pulled and I'm left with the womp womp face.

I think after a while.. you just get sick of it.


Maybe this scared me for life and will be a crutch I will have to deal with. But history

But... Mary's song... always makes me think about you. I hate myself for even like getting emotional about that shit. But why the fuck should I even care if I do... I never had my real final goodbye with you... and never will. I never got the chance to tell you that I loved you.

I know dead people can't read but its better to have said it and have records of it...
if anything should happen

but in this case I'm too late.
Maybe next time though.