If Only It Were That Easy.... (The Begining Of A Breakdown)

Hey yall :)

Now I know that there are many who are wondering where in the FUCK did I go but I had reasons to not be around.. damn...chill out.

Ok so I moved to ENY and now living in a area that blows ass cheeks..
I think I'll be moving yet again.
Eh.

Bday was filled with wild antics. overall it was....
AWESOME! ( new catch phrase for some time)

Ok now the heavy thoughts shall come:

When unhappy with life/w a partner what does one do?
Yeah breakup right? or
Tell them you need a break
I mean there are many ways to deal with your unhappiness temporarily but what happens when it carries over for years? Into new relationships.. just to suck them dry and leave another hurt soul behind in the pursuit of your OWN happiness never understanding you should have been happy alone before you even got with the next person anyways.

(Being selfish and wanting what you want can also count as a downfall)


I mean I know that I don't need a man to make me happy but for some reason I am unhappy and its getting worst everyday. My quest for happiness never had a chance in hell due to slick talk light walking niggas that have came.saw.and either got left or left me behind....

Happiness... something I don't normally get a chance to enjoy. I have a great deal of bad luck so a good day is just another break in the storm cloud that looms over my head daily... but still somehow I can be this bubbly vessel of light for others...


I wonder why...


I wonder why I can unlock everyone else's mind and allow them to find their way through fogs yet...


can never seem to get out the lost world I live in myself...

within my own mind...

sometimes I think my lack of emotions have caused me to just give up all hope on happiness ....

but yet I still long for it...

I wanna be able to wake up without a care and a smile knowing everything will be alright.. .even if i died that very same day and YOU can't give me that nor anyone else on this earth... I have to provide that feeling for self. Maybe you can help along the way.. but if I don't believe it... then it will never matter nor amount to anything... no matter HOW HARD YOU TRY.


And thats just the tip of the iceberg



This month I'm really baring my soul.. openly.

So get the tissues box and hold ya heart buddy...


I have many sins to confess...

All starting with HIM......