If Only You Would Take A Second

Well I see you have made it here. Grand of you to join my thoughts.
Well let me get on with the show.
So my current views on myself have changed a bit since I was in high school.
I always thought of myself as some weird lost child with a fucked soul.
I now think..I'm a weird lost woman with a fucked soul but a good outlook on life.
See...me I'm a complex. And yes EVERYONE SAYS THAT SHIT ABOUT THEMSELVES ONLINE TO LOOK COOL AND SHIT....
but.....
I mean I'm the type of girl who would one day be head over heels in love with you and next...well you are lucky to get a hello out of me. I'm off and on like a light switch. I don't love my mother...I think she was only good for one thing in life and thats having me. My father...well as of late he hasn't proved a thing to me other than he looks out for self and "always" knows best for self.
I really can't blame them for their actions anymore due to the fact that the are cut from the same cloth. I guess I'm just that fucked child that got to caught in the middle.
Then there is my sis.
I love her but she doesn't know that. We fuss, we fight and go months without talking. Reason..we are kinda the same person...just she's more cold than me. She's determined to not let the actions of our parents fuck her over like me. I'm just glad that I was there to block some of the blows to her young mind. Sorry I wasn't there for all though. I know it hurt her but shit look at her now. In school far away and gaining a life for herself. In about 5 years she will have it all.

What about me?
Blah. I don't even know whats to come for me. I can only take it a day at a time.
My life is just...crazy.
No one knows anything because I don't like to talk about it. I've wrapped myself in myself so much I don't talk until I'm about to break down yet again.
And this time I don't have weed to turn to. Haunted by my past so much that at might I stay awake and read online articles.
Enough of this chit chatter.
It's depressing.