Love And Unhappiness

Question was asked

Him: How hard is it personally for you to get over the one you gave your heart to?

Me: Depends on how much of myself I really gave to that person. You don't just give your heart in most cases...

See think about it...

How long did it take for you to give that person whatever you gave them of you?

Now if you gave your heart along with your soul you are fighting a tough battle back normalcy because these are emotional and spiritual ties that bond you and another together for the duration of your relationship.

Hold up I might be speaking chinese to some right now so lemme break it down for the slow or lost.

There are 4 things we give of ourselves to another person during relationships.

In these 4 ways we form bonds with our partner.

To give one of the four to anyone that walks this earth means that you are now bonded in this way until the tie has been broken.

To break that tie will mean to break what bonds you together from the source of it all.

Here goes the 4...(in my view)

Mind/Mental: Some of us connect mentally before anything. Although this is normally the last bond to give fully its also the easiest bond to break and regain for self because nothing is stronger than the mind. The act of reasoning will reason above any emotional, spiritual or physical bond because if you really want to do something ...its nothing to it once your minds to it.


Remember that


Body/Physical: This physical bond is normally given early in relationships.

THE NOOKIES!
*ahem*

Normally its ruled by the heart and all the emotions that go with it BUT with better judgement the body will ignore emotional pull and simply hold strong with the mind. Most fling type relationships use and abuse this bond. Still mind over matter always wins. You get tired and eventually you move on.
Again..this reinforces the above statement of the mind.

Heart/Emotional: They say love conquers all. False. A complete love with all four essential parts holding together strong will conquer all. Needless to say the heart is the emotional bond that many of us suffer from. This bond is not as easy to break but when broken its the most liberating feeling on earth or...can cause you to fold into a little ball. Ice cream and vent session and some new underwear can help get you through this one...oh and maybe calling that person out they name a few times.

Soul/Spiritual:
*sigh*

Its greater than just loving someone.
Its being so in love with someone your soul becomes intune with each other.
This bond..comes rare and also the is strongest and most painful bond to break.
A spiritual bond cannot be denied it can only be ignored. And even then sometimes the calling to from another's soul can be heard in the back of your mind.
And you slowly die...inside.

It rules out every other bond there is.
Its the alpha and omega of relationships.
This is an unbreakable bond.

However...if mind, body and heart cannot take the strain of this bond then you are able to pull away and salvage whatever of you is left...but understand that this bond..will never die and you will never be the same.

Now back to his question...

How long will it take?

Well...now considering everything I said...

How much did you give?

...

New Year.

Hi

I'm Candice.

You might know me a bit from last years up and down rollercoaster ride of finding myself between trying to love someone and holding onto much of my past.

Yeah you know me pretty darn well then from last year.

Wasn't that pretty fun to watch?

You know what's going to be cooler?

This years Candice.

Let me update you a bit.


Moved back to Flatbush.
Got new job.
Got another kitty! (His name is Osiris and he's a sexy cat)
Fell back in lust or love or whatever you wanna call it with Maurice (His first name hidden because of the nosey)
And now slowly falling out of that due to emotional strain and whatnots.
Was hospitalized and found out that I had cyst on my ovaries (explaining why I was sick all the time)
And this was all in the first month of 09


Yeah this year finna be a blast.

Join me!

I Voted

I got up and went to vote sometime around 2.
Had to go back to Eny to vote because when I registered that was the address that I signed everything up under. I wore my favorite blue sweater, some dunks, blue jeans, and a grey tee with the words Protect nature. I was greeted by a very nice older woman who showed me how to votem she stood in the booth with me and helped me pick some people (aside from Obama because there was no fucking way in hell I would vote for McCain old rooty tooty ass) but we spoke of the importance of this day and how great its going to be to tell our children this story. I took a pic of my vote and pulled the big red lever to cast it....


I elected Obama

The first black president.

Im Going Home Again...

Flatbush

I've missed you more than you know
And after some months being without you
I'm going home again!

Beef paties and shopping areas
Rastas and fast walking chicks
Mango man
The damn Q train
Dollar vans
Tmobile store

Man you name it I've missed it
Ooooo
Ooooooo and
Hair suplly stores
Omg
Fucking hair supply stores
Dude do you know its like heaven to know I can run out and get some weave

Damn

If that's not sexy
I dunno what is

Amusement

Hmmmm my thoughts well its a little something along the lines of
"make money more money oooh money"
type shit mixed with a
"niggas better get right with God before they fuck with me"
type shit sprinkled with
"lord I sense another crush happening all over again"

Yeah I've been a busy thinker in between breaks and sleep as of late.

My comp sucks ass
And I'm in the process of getting a new place
Because this one sucks ass and I'm pretty sure that others know this....

But yeah its pretty much been calm on the home front my quest has been achieved because I'm no longer looking for a road

I'm making one

I thinks its best I make a road instead of walking paths others traveled

And the peace of mind feels good might I add...

Yeah its a great Monday morning w my blueberry muffin smelling all kinds of sexy and the thought of a poem for my muse in the back of my head

Speaking on muses

Yeah I think I might have a new one
But
I'm scared to use him because well I dunno he's like hella warped and such and I love it but I don't want things to become funny or sour in anyway
I dunno maybe I worry way too much
And
Then again maybe I don't worry enough.

Internet Lockdown

Yeah.. I'm locking down on the net right about now. I will not be around to watch yall and your wild antics that tend to transpire.
I shall be out and about and away.
Need me?
Ask Cat how to contact me or call me yaself. Other than that.. I'm off!

Ya Fat Fuck!

Listen nothing against the big boys
but I be fucking damned just because I'm a big bitch...
yall finna think this fat bitch want a fat nigga.

Nah a nigga thats stocky... like solid thick
that damn he like a brick house type dudes...
I've always been in love with..
not the niggas with all the cuts type
but the chicks know the ones I'm talking about...
yall cool with me...

but yall nassy ass
blobs of massive proportions with no form of shape what so ever looking like
a set of discombobulated tires stacked high

yall sicken me so....

yall always wanna be in my FUCKING FACE SMELLING LIKE A PACK OF HOTLINKS
talking about I'm sexy

If you dont keep ya ole rolly polly humpty dumpty I'm just fat because I got a gland problem and was smaller once but never really was small sitting on a love seat looking like a loveseat two seats in the movie theater taking shake and bake loving deep fried apple eating diet coke drinking I'm trying to watch my figure yet only watching it get wider ass
out my face

I'm going to one day tell you about yourself.
Real fucking talk.
I mean ok you fat I get it.. but don't think just because I'm fat I want someone fatter than me on top of me trying to fuck and sucking up all the fucking air in the damn room.

Can I please breathe?

Nah yall always wanna try that "You hating on ya own kind" BULLSHIT!

No nigga I'm not..
what I'm saying is that you shouldn't be 100 bls fatter than me talking about I'm going to blow ya back out.

Nigga you wouldn't even get pass the fucking foreplay... because you would collapse from a heart attack or rupture a lung from all the damn excitement.

Yes I'm not a small chick myself and that some men will feel the same way about me
hence why I stay in my lane and not even TRY to be in EVERY CUTE NIGGA FACE BECAUSE I know that I'm not everyone preference.
I'm confidant but not stupid and everyone
not comfy with fat asses SO WHY WILL I TRY TO FORCE IT ON SOMEONE?
That shit is not cool.. yet.... still...you fat fucks try me on all the wrong days.
learn from this blog please... there are other women like me...
and they may not be as nice to warn you.


Candice.

I Um...Miss You

I know its just something off beat and out there to say to you but I um.. miss you kid.
like really it's like something missing... a part of me just somewhere out there. Nah not in the you are a part of me and we are one thoughts but in the damn someone I generally care about is away and darn it I miss that guy

that guy...

with the great convo that makes me smile from time to time showing me that even in the eve of disaster rainbow tend to break through clouds every now and then.

Yeah I miss you and still play "that" song everyday because hey.
It's dope!
And well I miss you and hope that everything is fine and that you are safe.

Meanwhile enough of this mushy type stuff.


http://www.gspoetry.com/thinking-emotions-poems-262753.html

Stale[mate]?

Sometimes we need to cool it.
Sometimes even when we want for someone to get what we think should come to them RIGHT NOW we can't force it.

But we try...
and because we try
we play a hand in the Devil's grand design to continue to spread misery and pain.
I know that I have done it countless times and this is a trait that I'm trying to annihilate but how can you really see that there is a problem f you think its not a problem?

Ok.. granted I'm all for trying to do a nigga in after I'm wronged and yeah niggas play games to show out
but where does the games end?

What about the parties involved?
The emotions stirred. he tears cried... the sorrys said.. the hate brewed


what the fuck is i all for when in the end shit finna fall apart anyways
and no one really ends up being the winner.

What happens when there's a silent checkmate?

A checkmate neither players are even willing to admit.
No more pawns.rooks. nothing.
King and Queen
face to face

now technically the Queen would win with some power moves but we are talking about an actual relationship yo... so don't even think of claiming a victory... but anyways

where the victory in making sure someone get's whats coming to them before the time is right?

What if by you putting all the effort in shit indeed change fate
and place a bounty on your happiness?

I'll leave it on that note till I come back to this thought.

Even When I Away.....

Blog was removed due to new information stating nothing was to involve me.
I will only hope thats the truth.
And will say nothing more.

I Took A Walk

Went on some interviews today and decided as a New Yorker it's only right that I take a walk over the bridge once. You know just take a walk and clear my head over the bridge and just enjoy the view I normally look at through train car windows. So I tok this walk with my head high and feeling pretty darn good about myself.

It's a nice walk.

I noticed a woman walking by with a 9-11 shirt on... her head hung low and look like she was crying a bit. Didn't bother to ask because while I'm just happy to walk and be alive.. she walking in the name of a fallen soul.

Damn... crazy right?


Meanwhile..
I saw this old lady today and though about my grandmother. She had a presence about her.. a gentle soul... you can tel she was a mother of at least more than 2 kids because the way she glowed. Very polite and even noticed that I fell asleep on the bus and made sure to wake me before my stop. I thanked her kindly. You don't find people like that everyday...

I wonder if my granny told her to wake me.

Catalina!!! Memo Of Geighness.

So I'ma need yall to understand that the other working half of the
law and order crew.. Catalina....is over there geighing it all up!
when I mean gay.. its so gay it need to be spelled different to geigh to elongate the geigh part about it.
Over there dancing in rain drop and shit.
Ole I'ma sit in the grass and pic flowers playing he loves me he love me not ass chick.

HOW WERE SUPPOSE TO BE PIMPING DOING SUCH NONSENSE LIKE THIS?!?

HOW CAT?

Why Cat.. why....man.... this not right.. and I'm sorry that I have to do this publicly but I must take your card back.

Yes the cane too... you are a sad excuse for a pimp these days loving these "hos"
and ish.. its reckless and us pimps don't condone such behavior.


Therefore it pains me much to say... your playa card has been revoked.

*cuts Cat's card up*

I'm very sure you know the procedure to attain this card again but please this time....
TRY TO KEEP IT FOR MORE THAN 2 WEEKS YOU FOOL I BE DAMNED I HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT TO YOU AGAIN!

Thank you.

Geighlord.

The 11th Huh?

It's the 11th...
a day in history
that niggas won't even let scared families try to forget.

They dwell and drag out the horror
that people had to go through.

They continue to play clips of people jumping out of buildings
trying to find a way to live
only to jump to their death unwillingly.

Mass media using fear as tactics
to remind use that we are never really safe
within our own doors because our government are pussies
playing hide and fuck it we gave up seeking for Osama.

We found oil.
Fuck lives that paid cost higher than current gas prices.

Yes it's the 11th.
Yet again I'm reminded of the burned flesh smell
lingering within black clouds of doom.

Yes.
It's the 11th.
Yet again I'm reminded that my heart
dropped down faster than the towers crumbled
thinking I would never see my father ever again

Thinking...
i'd never see my father again

Praying...
wishing to run into the streets
being held back by security guards
trying to secure me

Secure me?

SECURE?!?

How can we be secure
if planes can be hijacked
in mid air
crashed into twin giants
and successfully bring a whole country
to a stand still?

It's the 11th
Yeah same day where birthday wishes for
a friend became funeral for her mother

The 11th
Where brave firefighters who sacrificed lungs
now cough up blood because HMO act just like that


homo


Yeah it's the 11th today...

So I'm not listening to the radio
nor turning on my TV

I'm calling my father to tell him I love him
yet again
and then


and then



continuing living...

Peacefully.

I was playing this song...
thought about something you said and cracked a smile
randomly just thinking about little things

See little things matter the most to me.
Men don't normally get that though...

Just noticing small changes within me or about me
show that you are showing a great deal of interest
and thats something that always a plus to me
even thought i don't think I really interest you much like that
but it's cute to think of it randomly ya know
like a little gift given to me that I can use over an over for smiles
and pick me ups when my day seems a bit off.

Yeah...
it's a nice thing that you do kid.
I only wish I could provide you with that same feeling every now and then
I would be so proud and happy.

Maybe I do and you just don't tell me because you are some secretive
in the shadows type dude wishing to play it cool
trying to figure my complex crazy ass out

maybe I just don't and need to work harder at letting you know
that as a friend...
I wanna make this more of a give and take type thing
giving you that feeling that i get anytime context clues
are left around for me like specially made Candice bread crumbs
i wanna leave you some bread crumbs too :(
because
you make me smile
& thats something that comes pretty rare
but then again you are a rare breed
so what else could I really expect.

Hmmmm..... you might read this...
then again you might not...
still nice for me to get this out of my system and go on about my day
humming that song and breathing peacefully.

Iysis....My Big Ass Cat...

I just wana share something with yall people.


My cat name is Iysis.
She's pretty much a thug.
The bitch sits on my fucking keyboard and pushes shit
Doesn't like the look of her litter box but uses it...
and damn there fucked up the male cat from upstairs
She likes to try to sit on my fucking head
and refuses eat her tuna right now
and has also attacked my vodka bottle....
I think she trying to tell me something
:(

I swear.. she's a bitch....
but I love her though!

[insert heart]


Yeah shes a fucking thug son.....
And this bitch took over my computer area...
there fore now I must relocate my comp....
because Iysis has marked her territory.
She's pretty much more bad ass then most you fuckers.


Pics to come soon.

Oh Hips Hurt [Labor Day]

So today was the holiday Candice loves to celebrate.

And its was ok.
I mean every year now they find another way to ruin ya mood but hey... its the biggest parade in the city.... they hate hard!

So ok I got drunk and was taking pics.. dancing up the road and shit... ran into some sexy men...and not so sexy men... ctfu.

Niggas had motherfucking paint and smearing it onto each others bodies and shit. Man I just don't get it!

I was waiting for the Hot97 float.....


and guess what every other float was blah...
aint that a bitch...

it was alot less floats this year also.

Ok so... we get to the Hot97 float and BAM pushing and shit because the damn Haitian and the Jamaicans are fight for room.. since they kept stopping floats and shit.
So after watching Nene shake and shimmy all over the Haitian float we made way to Movado and them.... niggas had the fucking place hype.I ran into me ex Reggie.. and found out my lover can ACTUALLY DANCE..... man I was like WTF! *slaps head* He was the best dance I had the whole time... maybe is because we knew each other and all.. or maybe because he knows how to move.. i dunno but FUCK it was nice. We were good for a while till someone was random pinching Nene's butt for no reason (mind you at this time we were in the back just walking0 and she spazzed on a nigga! ctfu!

Next event was not a funny one... someone pulled out a gun.. didn't shoot though.
Still nigas got so shook everyone stampede over the barricades. I lost Nene by this time and had to thug it out for self.

After that it was all peace and love and good tunes and random dances with more black men.

awesome I tell you people...

always awesome to end summer with a bang....
just not one to ya dome.

lol.


Goodbye Summer :(

Pic soon come.

Rant: WHY THE FUCK WAS THE BAJAN TRUCK SO FUCKING WACK AND WE HAD KROSFYAH ON IT?

BARBADOS

GET ON YA FUCKING JOB AND GET RUPEE HIGH YELLOW SEXY BAJAN ASS BACK ON THE FUCKING FLOAT BEFORE I COME KILL YALL NAGGERS.

IM NOT PLAYING!

Carribean City!

Yo... I never went to this club everyone claims is so bad and ish due to the fact it was in the hood. So ok... it was 10 bucks for a party that will not end till 6 in the morning. I mean think about it.. it's NYC an its Labor Day weekend... 10bucks for a party that's getting broadcast on the radio.

So we get in there and its not that many people yet.. (it's 12) and I'm introduced to Nen's friends. I met one before.... the others no... but one that caught my eyes was this sexy Trini man with long dreds... it this his name was Kevin. Still in here his name will be Sexy Trini Man.

So I'm cursing him because he is Trini and they are like kyptonite to my soul.. and he... got me :( Man he was like a ninja... as soon as I thought I was safe...he would pop up with them sexy ass hips and tear my ass up. GOD! It was aswesome.. Dancing with everyone and having fun. I didn't drink because I was already drinking fro mthe day before so I was like still in a zone.

It was wall to wall antics... people smoking filling the club with weed smoke.. drink getting spilled and ghetto... partly dressed hoes.

I mean really when I can see the line where ya booty cheeks meet.... its a little to short of a dress girl. Then on top of that.... these chicks weren't even getting danced with. I was a little shocked you would think niggas would wanna dance with them.. nah... they left them alone.

Overall.. best party I ever when to for Labor Day... I came home to my bed and smiles.

Yo Sexy Trini man must be seen not drunk so I can get the full effect for him. I think I wanna be he friend. He pretty!

lol.

Pussy Galore & Dredlock Yankers!

So... let me say this
Madame X is a sexy lil place that if you wanted to take ya man and just relax.... this would be that intimate 3rd date type thing. Red lights, black walls , couches, good priced drinks... yeah... this would be that place for you to go.

Get the Pussy Galore!
Its a drink that taste fucking awesome... probably that only good pussy I'll ever know about. Even the guys wanted some ( go figure) but nah those things were fucking awesome.

Ok... so we are at Anthonine's quiting party... nothing to wild just everyone coming in after work/ school/ from home. to this little lounge and chilling, talking & mingling... so ok... we eat.. we mingle... and everything is smooth.

"Sexy brother" (Nene's new interest) come through and chills... to only be scared off by someone that goes by the name of Betty!
Dun dun dun!

She tried to yank his new twisted dreds :( without asking.

*sigh*

Scared that poor boy off because by the time ran to give Nene her phone ole boy was out the door.
*hands head*

You know there is just something about touching people hair that mofos need to understand.. YOU JUST DONT TOUCH SOMEONE HAIR LIKE TAT MAN!

Wtf!

Meanwhile other than that it was a awesome day and now me and Nene are going to plan a bday party! Yay!

Go us!

My Story

I told you I was no good.
I was just another chick...another girl in this world
wandering.. trying to fin my own way...still searching.

Hmmm...I told you I was no good.
Like no good in the way where I rot out brains
Funny.. cause candy rots teeth.. go figure huh?

I never wanted to hurt you at all...but I knew me
and I knew that one day like always I would hurt you to the point where you will forever hate me and everything that I was...

Yeah I know it hurts... painful burning and shit like that.

But you was not a saint kid. So stop it...
Stop with the whole tears down cheeks I'm forever lost without you act because you really not lost without and shouldn't be if you were found in the first place.

I'm sorry... really..

No matter how much I say it though it don't matter right?

Yeah I know I'm not bleeding fro the heart publicly enough for you to really see that I'm sorry so hey... I'm a bitch for that..

Let me be that then...
I'll be this bad guy for as long as you want for me to be...
maybe one day you can see that I did care and still care even still think about you but the problem is.. we
are not meant to be anything more than friends and we proved that. You want more.. need more.. .require much more but hey I can't give you that right now because I'm not willing to try again. I'm not willing to act like a lover towards you knowing I can't do it kid.... really....

but you can't see that so hey... its whatever.

Hard Ass...Yeah I Know.

Some results from a test that I took that was in Clara's blog... goshers...
It saying I'm hard ass.... eh.... don't I know it already though. Watch some asshole sit at the screen and think they preaching the gospel in the results.. even up taking the test themselves and be shown their true colors.. and not like the results one bit. :)

Meanwhile.. read it... its so on point though.



Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test ...
ESTJ-The Supervisor

You scored 64% I to E, 58% N to S, 81% F to T, and 26% J to P!
Your type is known as the supervisor, as you are not hesitant to give your stamp of approval on others - or tell them how they are lacking if they are. You are surprised when others don't seem grateful that you have set them straight. Your type also belongs to the larger group called guardians. Experience is what matters to you, not experimentation or conjecture. You often take a lead role in the many groups and organizations you belong to. You worry a great deal about society falling apart, morality degrading, and what the world is coming to. You share your personality type with 10% of the population.
As a romantic partner, you communicate very clearly your strong opinions so your partner always knows where they stand. You are dependable, responsible, and rock solid. You can be rather infexible about giving up any control and insist on keeping a schedule, although you have great energy and enthusiam for planned adventures. You have difficulty seeing other's points of view and your biggest downfall in a relationship is dismissing your partner's feelings as illogical. You feel most appreciated for being trustworthy, efficient, and productive. You wish to be thanked tangibly for the ways you keep your lives on track.
Your group summary: Guardians (SJ)
Your Type Summary: ESTJ


and another one....

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test ...
HBPS - The Optimist

Humanity, Background, Big Picture, and Shape

HBPS - The Optimist

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on the hidden treasures of life (the background) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to ponder ideas and imagine the many possibilities of your life without worrying about the details or specifics. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.

So I'm a hardassed optimist...

yeah sounds like a oxymoron to me...



Your result for The Best Personality Type for You Test by ...
ENFP - The Champion

You scored 100 I versus E, 20 N versus S, 40 F versus T, and 40 J versus P!
Your ideal mate is known as the champion. As a romantic partner, they need to talk about what is going on in their lives. They are strong supporters for their partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. They need to feel that same support from their partners. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, they are eager to enjoy new experiences with their partners, whom they wish to be their confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. They are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process their feelings privately. They feel most loved when their partner appreciates their creativity, accepts their uniqueness, and sees them as the compassionate person they are. They need to hear their partner tell them how much they mean to you and would love if you did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.